This one has been coming for a while now.  You’ve been warned….

We’ve all had a share of trouble or crisis in our lives.  Some of us more than our fair share it seems.  In the same way that we automatically greet others out of habit with, “Hi! How are you?” and answer by rote, “Good! And you?”  because no one really cares or wants to hear it most of the time – it’s just one of those things we’re socially trained like monkeys to say …. We also have this gross tendency to tell people going through crisis, “God won’t give you more than you can handle.”

How dismissive!  And what bullshit!  It’s simply not theologically sound.  It appears to be a fluff-weight bastardization of 1 Corinthians 10:13 which says:

No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it.

WHICH SAYS NOTHING OF THE SORT!!!  Temptation is not crisis.  Falling to temptation can oft create a crisis, but it is not equal to a crisis in and of itself.  Finding a way out of temptation is relatively easy compared to finding your way out of a life crisis that you never expected and that is not the result or consequence of any choice or action you took.  Life is just not that simple, and neither is God in my opinion.  I really do think that the phrase, “Shit happens.” has much more biblical validity than “God will never give you more than you can handle” does.  Never minding the emotional abuse that that phrase heaps on the already hurting persons head, by making the veiled assertion that if they are still in the situation, it’s somehow their own fault for not pulling themselves out of it, or commonly with old school religious types, asserting that the person wouldn’t be in crisis if they hadn’t somehow sinned and brought it on their own heads.  How cruel we can be to others who are hurting.

I’ve been through many things that I could. not. handle.  I am going through things right now that I can. not. handle.  Some of those circumstances are going on 20 years, and while I don’t wallow in them on a daily basis, they are very much there and very much inescapable and wrenching to the soul.  I know some of you have burdens that you bear or have borne that are or were just too much.  Life is like that sometimes.

The way I see it, if God only gives or allows things that He already knows we can handle…. then there is absolutely no point to any of our suffering, and He’s just a giant, cruel puppet-master in the sky.  I don’t think that’s who He is at all though.  I think “God won’t give you more than you can handle” is an affront to His character, to His sacrifice and love, and to who He is as a whole.  I dare say it’s a heresy.

What I do believe is that (a) Life is full of stuff that happens just because life is not easy. Period.  Sometimes there’s no need or validity in attributing some big cosmic assignation to it; it just is what it is.  And (b) when God allows or sometimes brings crisis into our lives, it’s not to toy with us as marionettes on a string, but to teach us where to turn to find our strength.    In the trials of my life, many have brought me closer to God. Many have brought me greater understanding.  I’ve learned many a lesson.  And sometimes…. I’ve just been broken.  Sometimes, I’ve been all of the above. Whoever told you that life was fair or that there wouldn’t be inexplicable and undeserved rough patches, or even brutally rough patches was a damned liar.   I’ll say it again: Life is like that sometimes.

When this first popped into my head, I was in the depths of despair and at that moment, not at all handling something that I was in the middle of.  It goes so against everything I was ever taught.  At first I thought I must be over-thinking and getting crazy about it in my trial, but this was a good 5 months ago or so, and my conviction on the matter just grows on a daily basis.    Thinking that maybe it was just me and that I was possibly way off, I googled up a bit and found that others were thinking the same thing.  I found an article written on a blog entitled “Modern Reject” (love that name) that I thought did a great job of verbalizing what I was feeling.  I hope you’ll take a moment to read it.  She and I aren’t exactly lined up on the subject, but we do seem to have a lot of overlap, and it’s a good read.

So, there.  That’s off my chest.  What do you think?  Have you thought similarly?  Have you ever felt judged or weak or not good enough when you tried to share what you were going through that you could. not. handle. and someone pulled this trite phrasing out of their pocket to use on you?

Normally I don’t do this crap.  In fact, I’m pretty sure that this is the first time that I have ever done this crap.  You should know that the only reason I’m doing it at all is just because my friend Peg is *THAT* awesome, and she gives me enough dividends in laughter and smiles every day that I kind of owe it at this point.  (Not that she would actually care if I did or didn’t, because she isn’t douchey like that…)

Sooooo, here’s the deal:

Rules:
1. Post these rules.
2. You must post 11 random things about yourself.
3. Answer the questions the tagger set for you in their post.
4. Create 11 new questions for the people you tag to answer.
5. Go to their blog and tell them that you have tagged them.
6. No stuff in the tagging section about ‘you are tagged if you are reading this.’ blah blah blah, you legitimately have to tag 11 people!

I’m not tagging anyone. Again, like the honey badger, Peggie won’t care.

Alrighty then… 11 Random Things About Me! (PS: this is way harder than it sounds)

1. Don’t touch my feet.  I’ve never had a pedicure only because I will not allow anyone to touch my feet.  They aren’t even gross or anything like that.  I think they’re even kind of cute… but don’t touch them.

 

2. I can’t stand having my hands wet, or even moist.  I will dry my hands while IN the shower or tub.  It makes me nuts to have them wet!  This can cause a problem when eating foods like chicken wings…. so I don’t.

 

3. I like crunchy things.  I can eat crunchy things all day long.  Texture in food is a big deal to me.  For the same reason, I can’t eat cooked fruit, like in pies and donuts.  It’s gross.  I can do jelly or jam, but I have to spread it really thin so I get just the taste, and not the texture.  My donuts are plain cake, and ideally have been fried juuuuuust a smidge too long to make the outside crisp.

 

4. I’m Southern and I HATE iced tea.  Sweetened, unsweetened; I do not care. Get that nasty crap away from me.

 

5. I’ve never had a lot of female friends.  Usually just one or two and that was it.  I have a really hard time getting close to women or enjoying their company in groups.  If I can find one with a razor sharp wit and a boat load of intelligence, I am down, but I cannot sit around talking makeup and clothes and shopping.  Ugh!!  Plus, women can be so catty and untrustworthy.  I just do not have the time or interest in the drama.  I’d rather go without a friend than have to deal with that to keep one.

 

6. I don’t like little kids.  I like my *own* kids, but usually not other people’s kids.  I prefer teens to younger or older kids.

 

7. I am so conservative that I’m liberal and so liberal that I’m conservative. Neither of the two major parties would have me, nor I them as a result, so I went with Libertarian which matches nicely with the rest of my life philosophy:  “Just leave me alone!”

 

8. When I was much, much  younger, I spent about 5 years going to Rocky Horror Picture Show on both Friday and Saturday nights, most weekends.  I was always Columbia and while I can’t fit into it any more, I still have the costume.

 

9. I like psychology. I like biology and physiology.  Science is cool!!  However, I also have a strong bent toward naturopathy and to a lesser degree, homeopathy.  I think there’s room for it all, and one doesn’t necessarily negate the other.  I think we are an amazing mass of both physical and spiritual matter that work together in ways that we can’t fully understand as wee little humans.  I guess I’m crunchy-hippie light.

 

10. I love vegetables.  I love them much more than meat.  However, I can be particular about how they are prepared.  For instance:  raw carrots = good.  cooked carrots = don’t even try it.

 

11. I am incredibly socially awkward, and too much social chit-chat and conversation making makes me start physically wigging out.  I don’t know if it’s just because I’ve always been a loner, or if I have some sort of diagnosable issue going on.  Large groups and lots of noise literally make me physically start to feel the room closing in, and panic attacks, and my skin crawling.  I am so awful at the whole social thing.  I’m sure that’s why I prefer online social interactions more than in-person ones.  I can walk away if it becomes too much, and take a break.   Also, I despise the telephone.  I have a physical reaction to that as well.  I should probably be on meds, but I don’t really *do* meds if I can at all avoid it.

Now for the Suburban Chicken aka: Pegalish questions:

1) What is the one experience in your life that you think has most shaped you into who you are now?

The loss of a child. There is nothing about me that is the same as it was before. Nothing.

2) If you had the money to do it, what would be the 1 luxury item you’d buy for yourself and why? (This can’t be a necessity item, it has to be something you’d treat yourself to)

Hm. I’m not good at treating myself. Maybe like a crazy wild spending spree on yarn and fabrics, and crafting supplies? Ooh, I know! I would build a large, well equipped crafting room for myself! Why?  I’ve always dreamt of it, but we’ve never had the room.  It’s a big enough part of my life that I think it’s as fair an investment as a man-cave or anything like that.

3) What book has had the biggest impact on you?

Do I have to pick one? The Bible (obligatory answer) and Sylvia Plath’s, The Bell Jar.

4) Paper towels or dishrags?

Paper towels – get that mess outta here!

5) What’s your earliest memory of your childhood?

Disneyland, age 3. Mickey scared the crap out of me and I lost my head!

6) If you could learn how to do 1 thing brilliantly, what would it be and why?

Paint. I’ve tried my hand at painting in various mediums many times over the years. Sometimes I’ve done well and other times not so much. I’m not sure that “brilliant” is possible to be learned in art though. I think it’s inborn. Either you have it or you don’t…. and I’m at a complete block to think of anything else.

7) If you could be 10lb thinner, but it would cost you 10 IQ points would you do it? How about if you could gain 10 IQ points, but you’d have to gain 10lb?

I would keep the 10 lbs rather than lose the IQ points. I’m not sure I could stand to gain another 10 lbs though.

8 ) If you’re home alone do you close the bathroom door when you use the toilet?

Yes, for all the good it does. With as many pets and kids as we have, there’s always SOMEONE or multiple someone’s coming in on me! I’m not sure why, but they seem to think it’s the best time for conversation and sitting on my lap! (Well, the littlest one anyway. The biggers don’t try to sit on my lap, thank goodness.) My husband has never been allowed in the bathroom while I’m on the toilet, even though we’ve been together nearly 19 years.

9) What was your favorite board game as a kid?

I played a lot of Candy Land and Monopoly. There was another one we had based on an old cartoon character, Felix the Cat. I really liked that one.

10) If you could go anywhere in the world right now where would you go?

I would love, love, love to get to Ireland. Italy is also right on the top of my list.

11) Which is worse – underwear riding up, or a wrinkle in your sock?

If the sock wrinkle is underneath my arch, I’ll take the riding underpants. If it’s anywhere else, I can live with it.

Phew!!  Done!